DARING TO DEPART: TRADING THE GRIND FOR A BOLD NEW CHAPTER

I turned around for one last look, then closed the door to my office for the last time. After 28 years, my career in education had come to an end. As I walked down the hallway, I stared at the office doors of the people I worked with every day. Rhonda and Keith were my administrative team. Over the years we spent countless hours problem solving, planning and leading a school with over 130 staff members and 1,000 students. Belinda, my secretary, the gatekeeper of the front office and nucleus of the school. She made sure the important things stayed on my radar and the trivial stuff never made it to my door. If there ever was a dream team, we were it.

At the end of the hallway was Chick-fil-A, my nickname for the front office. The ladies in the front office knew that customer service was top priority. Every person that came through the door with a problem had to leave with a solution delivered with respect and care. Crying children, irate dads, helicopter moms - no matter who it was, these ladies were there to help.

It was a dream come true. I was the principal of a thriving school full of sweet children and caring teachers that parents were excited to bring their kids to. So why would I even think about leaving? Why? Because I was exhausted! All - the - time! From the time I woke up at 5:15 AM until I lay my head on my pillow at night, I was exhausted.I felt like I was on a never ending roller coaster ride. As soon as one problem was solved, another popped up to take it’s place. From the fuming parent threatening to call the district, t the student having a meltdown in the cafeteria - it was all exhausting. I expected situations to come up from time to time that demanded my undivided attention, but having 1,100 people in my care every day, required more time and energy than I had to give. The day to day operation of the school along with safety drills, meetings, test scores, and investigations were too much to handle.

I was used to being tired. Low energy, muscle aches, headaches, and trouble sleeping, was the norm, but now I was experiencing chest pain and heart palpitations. It seemed that no amount of ashwagandha, lavender mist, and red wine would make these symptoms go away. In spite of how I felt, I convinced myself I'd be alright. It worked for a while - until the day everything changed.

It was a typical Tuesday. I left work around 6:00 PM, grabbed a salad from the Chick-fil-A drive through and headed home. I called my husband, and told him about my day. As usual, he couldn’t believe some of the things that happen at an elementary school.

I pulled into the garage, got out of the car and drug myself up the stairs to change clothes. I sat down on the bed to take off my shoes and noticed my heart was pounding. I took a few deep breaths to slow it down but the pounding continued. I reached toward the nightstand and turned on the diffuser hoping the lavender mist would do the trick. I lay down on my back and breathed slowly inhaling the lavender mist through my nose.

Suddenly, my chest tightened, and my breath became short. A I having a heart attack? I thought. I breathed in deeper, trying to force myself to calm down. Finally the tightness relaxed. Thank God, I thought. But before I could take another breath, I felt a dull pain in my chest. It was as if someone was trying to push a 2 x 4 right through me!

I reached up and grabbed my neck to check my pulse and discovered hundreds of tiny bumps. Hives? “This is crazy!,” I said out loud. “There’s no way I can be this stressed out! But I was. It was time to let go of my dream job, for my own good. A few days later I turned in my resignation letter and submitted my application for retirement. I broke the news to Rhonda, Keith and Belinda first, then told the rest of my staff.

“Why now?” they asked, “Can’t you stay until the end of the school year?” Things just won’t be the same without you.”

I had been with most of my staff for 8 years. We made it through opening a new schooin the middle of Covid- together. We celebrated births, weddings, and graduations - together. We grieved for lost loved ones and supported each other through life’s struggles- together. We weren’t just co-workers, we were like family. I wasn’t going to burden my school family with the details of why I was leaving. The last thing they needed was to think their leader was on the verge of collapse. So, I put on a smile and simply said, “I’m going to miss you all, but it’s time for the next chapter.”

I realized that God started telling me it was time to leave my job months before the heart palpitations and hives. The sleepless nights, headaches and body aches were all signs that it was time to plan my exit. Instead of heeding the warning signs, I tried to remedy the problem myself. But there was no amount of red wine and lavender that could change God’s plan. I accomplished the purpose God gave me as an principal, now it was time for a new chapter.

After I announced my retirement, I felt re-energized! That energy propelled me through the next several weeks and even made me contemplate postponing my retirement. But

every time the thought of staying crept into my mind, a fire erupted at work. A teacher bitten by a student, a bus accident, calling 911 for a student having a seizure. These stress filled fires were more confirmation that now was definitely the time to go. But what would I do if I wasn’t getting up and going to work everyday? I had to do something.

Sitting at home all day with nothing to do would drive me crazy! I was still passionate about education, but didn’t want to be a substitute teacher. I was a good leader and teacher but the thing I was most passionate about was writing. Writing was the thing I would do for free - and was good at. Before I became a principal, I published an online magazine for Christian women. I also wrote and self-published three books, but after I was promoted to principal, I stopped writing. I didn’t have the time, energy or inspiration to continue. I couldn’t produce my best work with such a busy schedule.

I talked to some friends about re-launching the magazine.

“Yes,” they exclaimed. You have to bring it back! What about the books? Are you going to write more books?” they asked.

They missed the magazine and were really excited about the idea of me writing again. Did anybody else feel this way?

When people started asking what I was going to do when I retired, I found myself saying, "I'm going to start writing again.”

Their faces lit up!

“That’s great,” they'd say. “Let me know when you put something out.”

People that didn’t know I was a writer were equally excited. But one person’s reaction stood out above all the rest, Ms. Chandler.

Ms. Chandler, a third grade teacher, stopped by my office during her lunch break.

We talked about my retirementand the upcoming holidaybreak. She had one year left until retirement and was looking forward to it. Ms. Chandler looked at me earnestly and said, “I hope you are going to keep writing. I have the first two books you wrote already signed. Let me know when the next one come sout so I can get a signed copy of that one too. You are a great p rincipal Ms. Manning, but writing is your gift.”

I was stunned . . . and touched. I knew Ms. Chandler had my books but I didn’t know she thought writing was my gift. Ms. Chandler and I didn’t talk often, but when we did, she always had a word ofencouragement. When my mother fell ill and passed away,she left tokens of love and support on my desk and let me know everything would be alright. Ms. Chandler was my angel in the shadows. Now my angel was telling me to go live my purpose through my gift - to go write. And I did.

I’m two months into retirement and loving every minute! No more stress headaches, bodyaches, hives or chest palpitations. No more sleepless nights and no anxiety about what the next work day will bring. I re-launched my magazine. Yep, the one you’rereading right now! And I’m working on my next book. Thank you God for the faith and courage to start a new chapter. Thank you Lord for peace.